101 with No1: How To Be Confident

You wanna be confident? Enough to call yourself The Number One? And to think that so much you make it your brand? Hahaha, well you've come to the right place! Welcome to the second in the series of 101 with No1.

Firstly, I wanna say I wasn't always this confident and I become more and more confident everyday, it's a process. People who have known me for a while have seen me grow and become more unapologetically me. And it's hard for me to admit that I wasn't always this confident but it's true. I think it's important for me to say that because some people think if they aren't confident now that means they never will be, but it's simply not true! Of course like everything in life it's easier for others but anyone can be confident, and also just like everything else in life practice makes perfect!

To be as confident as possible you can’t give a fuck what people think about you. And it is hard to learn not to give a fuck but its an essential part of being truly confident. It's a lesson I learnt a long time ago, not because I wanted to but because I had to. What people say and do is just a reflection of themselves. It’s hard to believe that when someone says something horrible about you that it has nothing to do with you, but it’s true. It's kinda crazy and it takes a while to get your head around that someone can say something about you but it has nothing to do with you. All it is, is their own insecurities reflecting out. Envy is a bitch. All you can do is feel sorry for them because they are so insecure they have to bring other people down to make them feel good about themselves and make them look cool. In addition if someone doesn't like you, don't worry about it. Think about all the people you don't like, yeah all those people, it's a lot isn't it!! (Well it is for me at least) Some of those people you have good reasons to dislike, some of them you don't. We are all so different and it's so cliche but we aren't all going to get along. Focus on all the people that do like you. The people you've made smile and laugh this week. Us humans aren't very good at showing each other appreciation, so just because no ones told you, you are amazing today doesn't mean you aren't. Tell yourself you are. Think about some things you've done great this past month. Now go and tell three people you appreciate that you appreciate them, either text or in real life, go on, well actually finish reading this then do it! Share the confident love around.

(No1 Top Tip: if you are ever struggling to understand something, reverse the situation, imagine how you'd feel in the situation)

This quote from Travis Alabanza is a fav of mine; “You say faggot and I hear that I love you.” It's so true! People are jealous of you. I know now that all the kids at school when they called me a fag, they didn't really mean it, they did it to be cool. To show off, to make them look "hard" and "popular". I really remember one boy who whenever he was with his friends would shout stuff at me but when he was by himself he wouldn't say anything to me. And I vividly remember walking past him in a corridor and it was during a lesson so it was just me and him and he smiled at me. And I remember realising, you don't hate me. Everything you say to me has literally NOTHING to do with me. You just say those things because you're insecure and you want to look cooler. Sad. If he actually hated me he would say things to me all the time but he only ever said them when he was around other people. And even now when I'm older it's still the same, people are fragile and whenever anyone insults me it really has nothing to do with me. And a lot of people don't believe me when I say this, but I genuinely do not care if someone I don't know or don't like insults me, firstly you haven't insulted me because I don't care. Your opinion is invalid to me. I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say that, and I couldn't a long time ago. But I can now and it's such a good feeling and I want you to feel that. What I do care about though, is what people I like think of me, so my friends and family. Because their opinion matters to me. The people I love. That man on the street that just shouted at me, doesn't know me and I'm never gonna see him again. Honey you're the 568th person to call me gay. Firstly yes I am, and proud. Secondly think of something more original to shout I'm getting bored now.

Next. Only be in competition with yourself. Fuck what everyone else is doing, for now anyway. When your confident enough in yourself you'll be able to see people killing it and not compare it to yourself (although we are all a little (maybe a lot) guilt of this, it's human nature) Look at all the things you've achieved not the things you haven't. Focus on the pros, not the cons. You've come so far, you've achieved so much, well done sis. Big yourself up. All the bad, horrible and negative things that have happened to you, have made you so much stronger. You wanna get to the place where you can see people killing it and genuinely congratulate them. It's a great place to be.

I feel one reason I'm so confident is because I trust myself. I know I wouldn't do anything out of line. Everything I've done I can justify it. And yes okay, guilty! I've made a few mistakes but I can admit them and apologise for the them. I've acknowledged them and worked on them. Most of the time (unless you've really fucked up) own your decisions and choices, there's a reason you did what you did bitch. I think that's a really important part of being confident, is knowing that you're a good person and you don't go around the world being nasty, your intentions are good. Have confidence in yourself.

Some good advice I have been given before is, fake it until you make it. Smile, put your head up high and do YOU. Positivity and confidence rubs off, it's infectious. (Warning: So is negativity) So listen to positive and confident music, watch those kinda films, vibe off others, vibe off yourself. You'll get there, one step at a time. Trust yourself. Keep going babes. Now go off into the world and be your number one, the best you, you can be.

And finally I will leave you with this iconic quote from Kate Nash xo