101 with No1: How To Be Happily Single

Welcome to the first 101 with No1. When I had this idea, I thought, what things am I good at... Something I am very good at is being single hahaha. Apart from the girlfriends back in the day, it’s been 20 long years. Not only am I good at being single but I’m also good at being happily single. It’s possible, I know, crazy. Of course, I have my moments. But on the whole, it’s been good. And I’ve noticed its something a lot of people struggle with. As the great Lizzo says, "I put the sing in single" I'm gonna teach you how to do the same!

Disclaimer: This post is pro-single not anti-relationship.

One thing I don't get, is, that people go on about being 'complete', and to do that you have to have a partner. I have two answers for that. Firstly, you’re already complete on your own, you entered the world alone and you’ll leave it alone. You’re physically complete, you’re alive and living, you don’t need another human. Because then that makes two complete humans. My other answer is contradicting, but I like it. You’re never gonna be complete. Never. Well until you’re dead. You’re life is complete when its over and its only over when you’re dead. Say I live for 100 years. Think of it like a loading percentage on a computer. I’m 20 years old, I’m 20% complete. Why would you want to be complete yet? Now? Or ever? I’ve got so many things to do, places to go, people to meet, memories to make, I’m not complete, and being in a relationship isn’t going to complete me. All the things I do and achieve will make up part of that percentage, and maybe a partner will to, maybe several, but none of them will complete that percentage, only I will do that. The day I die. This all got a little morbid...

Next thing, there is this illusion that certain things can only be done by or with your partner. Like buying or receiving flowers. Send your friends some flowers!! Friends can do that!! Its super cute. You don’t have to have a partner to receive or send flowers. Or a family member! Or buy yourself some flowers! If you notice someone important to you is a little low send them a cute gift! All the things you want to do and think about doing but feel like you can’t because you don’t have a partner, do them!! Whether it’s by yourself or with a loved one. Turn doing things by yourself into solo power moves, big ya self up! Anything you do with your partner I can do by myself. I’m strong and independent. The other week I went to see my friend's show alone. I almost didn't. And honestly, it was because I was seeing a guy for several months which ended about 2 months ago now. And we said we were going to see a show together, which never happened and when I was planning on seeing my friends show, I did wish I could be going with him as a cute date. I did eventually decided I was going to go alone and I wasn't going to let this stop me. So I go on the website to get my ticket and there are only two tickets left for the whole run of the show, which did feel like a small kick in the teeth. But I brought just the one ticket and travelled alone, shopped by myself and did some writing outside, watched the show which was amazing, saw my friend after for a bit which was super nice then got the train home. It was a great day and I proved to myself that I can do these things alone and I don't want to miss out. I have done and a do, do a lot of things alone but I had never seen a show alone before. As I walked home from the station with my phone light on, my music on but quiet enough to be able to hear my own foot steps, my keys in-between my knuckles like wolverine, it could be easy to fall into wishing I had somebody by my side. But I've walked home alone many times and I don't see this a Bridget Jones sad alone moment, I see this as a Miranda Priestly independent power moment. I don't need someone to walk home with, I'm not gonna not see my friends show, and do this and that and live my life because I don't have a boyfriend. Don't ever not do something because you're single, you'll regret it, I promise. (Side note: Obviously be safe and don't put yourself in danger)

Okay so if you're single and struggling, remember there are SO many other things that make up you and your life. Write them down if it helps. Your job, education, friends, family, clubs, career, hobbies, goals, things you like doing, making, seeing ect. Focus on these things. Work on them. Work on yourself, we both know you need that time to help and love yourself, you deserve it. Feel comfortable in your own skin. If you've recently come out of a break up or similar then keep yourself busy. Show yourself that you have a great fulfilled life without that person, you had a life before them and you've got a life after them. Always remember that. Maybe get a new hobby or interest to fill that gap you now have. Do something you've always wanted to do, learn a language, start a new sport, start a blog;) I'm going to learn how to tie a tie this month!! It's something I've been meaning to learn for ages fml. Also don't beat yourself up for wanting a relationship now and again, it's natural, just try not to let it consume you. This one is a little cliche but you can do what you want when you want!! Watch what you want, eat what you want, do whatever you want when you want. And just because you're single now doesn't mean you're single forever. It's good to have a long period in your adult hood of being single, it's super healthy to have that time to think and realise who you are. I know it's easier said than done but focus on the pros not the cons.

If you are finding yourself thinking about someone and thinking they were the one and how you've never felt that way before ect ect. I just wanna remind you of your relationship/crush before this one and at the time you thought they were the one and you'd never felt like that before. I can hear you saying "oh but it's different this time" Yes bitch and you said that last time!!! And you'll say it next time!!! Last time you really damn thought they were the one and you'd never feel that way again then you met this one and that all went out the window and you never thought you'd get over that person but you did and you love this new one even more. Although you didn't think it was possible. So now you will get over this one like you did the last one. You lived a long damn time without them, and you'll do the same again. And please put all that time and energy you use to put in to a partner or someone you were seeing into something else, literally anything else, don't waste that energy or let it go! And if you've never felt that way, don't think you never will. Your life changes everyday, it really might not feel like it some days but it does. And you never know whats around the corner or who you might meet. You've got the rest of your damn life ahead of you. And also remember there are so many OTHER feelings to feel other than love. I know, you'd think by turning on your TV, from the films and songs we hear everyday, love is the only emotion out there, we are surrounded by it, we live in a society which is obsessed with it, no wonder its hard for us single ladies. Remember all the amazing things you've experienced and how lucky you were to experience them and how good those things made you feel.

Being single is great, I promise. Ignore the films. Ignore all the pressure society puts on us. We have to reclaim this single life narrative. Don't feel sorry for me because I'm single. Don't value me based on my relationship status, it doesn't define me. I'm a bad bitch. Feel empowered not alone.

Finally, you don’t need a number two honey, you’re number one remember xo

My 'Getting Over You' pro-single playlist on spotify is pretty killer if I don't say so myself! You can listen here